Body Beautiful

Wanna Buy Me A Drink?

Hey, all you single gals . . . did you get lucky this weekend? Meaning . . . did you get treated to free drinks at the bars and nightclubs you frequented in exchange for the pleasure of your alluring company? Well, next time some interested guy offers to buy you a drink, be sure and tell him you’d like a Sapphire Martini.

Check out what’s in it: Bombay Sapphire gin, blue curacao and a dash of dry vermouth, and the glass is rimmed with blue sugar. Pretty standard stuff. But guess what the drink is garnished with? A sterling-silver pick holding a pair of platinum-mounted diamond and sapphire earrings. I’ll drink to that!

Forbes.com just released its report on the world’s most expensive cocktails. (msnbc.msn.com/id/15135240/) The Sapphire Martini ranks high on the list at $3,000. Can you even imagine paying that much money for about a cup of liquid laced with alcohol? Some guy has to really be into you to charge THAT to his Visa. (Or just really drunk.) And how about this -- $1,750 for a bottle of 125-year-old cognac!

So guys, next time you offer to buy a drink for a pretty girl, make it very clear to the bartender to leave out the precious stones. You’ll just have to dazzle her with your personality, instead.

Speaking of drinks, guess which one tops the list as the most fattening cocktail? The Long Island Iced Tea, weighing in at a whopping 780 calories.Don’t let the “iced tea” part fool you!

You Go, Boy!

I read something unbelievable not long ago . . . that more women would rather get a Botox treatment than spend a week in Paris. That’s odd because I can’t think of a better way to erase frown lines than to stroll happily through the most romantic city in the world. I'll get injected when I get back.(botoxcosmetic.com).

Botox has grown in popularity among women in the past few years. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, it is the No. 1 nonsurgical procedure for women between 35-64 years old. (surgery.org/press/news-release.php?iid=465) You’d be hard-pressed not to find someone in your circle of friends who hasn’t had a treatment or two.

But guess what? Men are becoming just as concerned about wrinkles as women and are getting Botox treatments, too. I found a statistic on the Internet that was shocking: Botox treatments increased 233% among men from 2000 to 2005.

Not only are men tapping into Botox to look younger, but also, when injected under their arms, it helps control excessive perspiration, a condition called hyperhidrosis that causes soaked clothing, wet palms and real embarrassment. (sweathelp.org/English/PFF_Treatment_Injections.asp)

So, Ladies, how would you feel if your guy started getting Botox treatments? Do you really want your man looking prettier than you? And Guys – is this something you would ever consider? I look forward to your responses because I have never once heard any man complain about his wrinkles and crow’s feet. Men seem to accept getting older more gracefully than women.

Then There Were 4

I’ve never been one to follow trends. I never saw “Star Wars.” Or “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” In college, when everyone went south for Spring Break, I went north. I never progressed in video games beyond Ms. Pac Man. Santa has never left a PlayStation or a Game Boy under the tree for my kids. I’ve never TIVO’d (and I don’t even know if I spelled that right), I don’t own an iPod and only last year did I buy my first DVD player.

Trend-wise, I’m always a few steps behind. Make that “years.” So it would only follow that I have just discovered the obsession with “American Idol (americanidol.com).” I fought watching this show for years, out of principle alone. It’s all anyone would ever talk about at the office or on the radio the day after the show aired. They sounded like a bunch of star-struck groupies. Forget about wars, terrorism, AIDS and illegal immigration . . . all anyone seemed to care about were Clay and Ruben. Kelly and Fantasia. And what mean thing Simon said. Who WERE these people grabbing the national spotlight? I didn’t GET it!

But now I do. I started watching “American Idol” last season because my kids were big fans. They’d watch it at their father’s house. And now I am HOOKED! Not only has it added such richness and depth to my life (LOL) and made Tuesdays my favorite day of the week, but also, it has brought me and my daughters a little closer. The show has become a hearth in our home. Despite the vast generation gap, we have found common ground. We come together on the couch for an hour, twice a week, as family and ready-made critics, and cuddle and laugh and ssshhhh! one another as we try to guess who will get bumped off this week. It’s quite the bonding experience.

So now it’s down to the Final Four: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordan and the lone man, Blake. Melinda is the very talented frontrunner, “in a league of her own,” as Simon said. But she’s too polished and has already enjoyed some success as a background singer. An unfair advantage, I think. Jordin, the 17-year-old, has our vote. She’s young, undiscovered and was blessed with a raw talent. A real rags-to-riches story. And she’s so doggone adorable, too! Go, Jordin!

Are you an “Idol” fan? If so, who are you rooting for?

Royal Blood

Did you hear the news? Prince Harry – the youngest of Princess Diana’s sons, the puckish, freckle-faced redhead – will be deployed as a tank commander to fight in Iraq . . . very soon. The 22-year-old’s future hung in the balance for several days as the British army tried to decide whether it was the wise thing to do to send someone into combat who is third in line to the throne of England.

I don’t think it’s a very smart move at all. The Iraq war is not a fair war. The insurgents play dirty, as terrorists are inclined to do. The moment his boots land on Iraqi soil, I believe he will become their new, favorite target. Forget about killing Americans and blowing up innocent civilians while they’re shopping and dining. The terrorists will now have an opportunity to wield a heavier and costlier blow to an entire country.

Just the metaphor alone of “cutting off the head of an infidel,” the head of England, probably has these rabid extremists frothing in their strategy meetings.

I fear for Harry’s life – and his head. We can’t really compare a monarch’s obligation to serve in the war with our own democratic standards. Here in America, being a patriot and risking your life by going to war dresses up the resume and makes you a sentimental favorite should you ever decide to become president. (Although being a Rhodes Scholar seems to be a faster route to that job. Right, Bill?) Harry doesn’t need to be voted into the throne . . . he’s already there. Whether he serves in the war or not, England has no choice but to like the guy anyway – it’s a monarchy!

Many of us are mothers and you have to wonder . . . if Princess Diana were still around, what would this devoted mother – who, out of her own royal obligation was forced to serve time in a combative marriage – want her youngest son to do? This would have been the perfect time to play the princess card. She could have written a note to his commander on Kensington Palace stationery that said:

“Dear General Sir: Prince Harry will not be able to come to your war today, or any day, for that matter, as he is waiting to be the future king of England.”

What do you think? Should Prince Harry go to war or not?

Extreme Makeover Every Day

Everyone enjoys a good makeover, right? The before and after pictures? Well, it occurred to me as I was getting ready for work this morning that working women perform extreme makeovers on themselves EVERY DAY. I mean, think about the before shot: You just woke up, no makeup, puffy eyes, sweats, matted, fuzzy slippers, and if you’re just coming off a weekend, you probably have dirty hair and hairy legs.

Then think about everything we do in the morning to spruce up for the office: shower, wash, blow-dry and curl hair, shave our legs and pits, paint fingernails, apply makeup (with a special emphasis on erasing the dark circles under our eyes so that we look bright and cheery for our bosses), deck ourselves with earrings, bracelets and necklaces, slip on our perfectly ironed skirt, dress, suit, whatever, lather lotion on our legs, grab the perfect pair of heels and VOILA! We’re out the door, completely transformed. And the best part is, everyone will think you look as good as you do, all the time, naturally.

So Ladies, be proud of yourselves for performing this miraculous feat EVERY SINGLE DAY of the workweek.

And if anyone has any good tips on how to apply underliner so that it doesn’t look too thick or too thin, could you please pass them along? I’m embarrassed to say this, but I haven’t figured out how to do this right yet after all these years. My teenager does a better job on herself, and she’s only been at it less than a year!

Dove Soars Again

Everyone’s talking about the newest commercial for Dove soap called “Onslaught.” Have you seen it? Well, you need to because most everyone else has. In the first 32 hours after the video was posted in England, it received 100,000 hits on YouTube. (youtube.com/watch?v=JaH4y6ZjSfE)

For the first 10 seconds, a sweet, little red-haired girl is looking into the camera, she’s maybe 7 or 8, and in the background, Beatle-ish-sounding lyrics grow louder, “Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes . . . ” And in the next 15 seconds, the video assaults you with fast, half-second images of beauty products, sexy lingerie models and women undergoing all forms of cosmetic surgery. The message at the end is the clincher. I won’t tell you what it says because I don’t want to ruin the impact for you.

As a mother of two daughters, this campaign really hits home for me. I wish I could say that my daughters haven’t been influenced by advertising, television shows and pop culture, in general. But sadly, they have. Yesterday, my teenager was listening to her iPod and singing along to one of her favorite bands, “All Time Low,” (who I have never heard of!) and I hear her singing, “Put out or shut up!” We had a nice little chat in the car on the way to school over that one. She honestly had no clue what the lyrics meant, but because they were being sung by this band that she adores, she thought it was poetry. I think there needs to be some parental control on downloading music to iPods, too. But that’s another blog for another day.

Anyway, I applaud Unilever, the makers of Dove soap, for once again, touching a raw nerve about the beauty industry, especially since they are part of the beauty industry. Very daring, very risky. And I think it will pay off handsomely for them. Not sure I’ll go out and buy Dove soap because I’ve always thought it smelled funny. But I do respect them for delivering this important message.

Slick Willie

Buying a new car, as a single woman, is one of my least favorite things to do, next to getting a mammogram and shopping for new underwear. I pull into a dealership by myself and frothing salesmen start approaching me from every direction before I even take my keys out of the ignition, like vultures circling over an easy meal.

I’ve leased all but two of my cars in the last 20 years. I prefer to lease because I don’t have to come up with a down payment, my monthly payments are lower than if I were to outright buy the car, and I get a brand-new ride every few years. What’s not to prefer about that? (Log on to l easeguide.com/lease03.htm to figure out if you should lease or buy a car.)

It’s that magical time again – time to trade my car in for a new one. Or so I thought. OK, so I have a year left on my 3-year lease. But I really, really want a Camry Hybrid because I’m tired of filling up the tank in my Accord every 3 days. To go from getting 19 mpg to 33 mpg is a HUGE savings! “Money not in the tank is money in the bank.” (I just made that up! Clever, aren't I?) Well, I went to the Toyota dealership this weekend and thanks to Scott at South Coast Toyota (a well-deserved plug for Scott), who is the nicest, most honest car salesman you will ever meet, I realize it is too premature and financially foolish to get out of my lease right now. Can you believe it? A car salesman who tried to talk me out of buying a car!

The reason I’m writing this blog in the first place is to advise all you single women out there to do your homework, first, before you go looking for a new car. There are plenty of websites, such as Edmunds.com and Autobytel.com, that will educate you on the spot. The more knowledgeable and informed you are about the car you want to buy, the less likely you are to be taken advantage of by Slick Willie at the dealership. And trust me -- he's out there, puffing on a cigarette, just waiting for you to pull up.

Sad, Sad Situation

Who do you think are happier, overall – men or women? A recent study has confirmed that men are slightly more happy than women today. I'm not really surprised, are you? (Click here for the survey at cbsnews.com)

It’s a bit of a flip-flop, however, from four decades ago, when a similar study was conducted that determined women were happier than men.

So why do you think women aren’t as happy as they used to be? Different theories abound. I think in our endless pursuit to create the perfect balance in our lives – good, healthy kids, well-appointed homes, fit bodies and respectable careers, we have run out of time to do the things we really enjoy. The study claims that women are doing less cooking and cleaning these days, and that’s a good thing. But instead of taking that extra time to read a book, go shopping or unwind in some way, they are investing more time in their careers and the work that they are paid for. (I smell a burnout.)

That is certainly the case in my own household. My boss was generous enough to get me a laptop to make it more convenient for me to work from home, but now when I’m at home, I’m constantly tethered to my laptop. (Do you think he knew that would happen??) It’s almost an addiction. I’ve had to train myself to NOT turn it on and instead, interact with my children.

I don’t have any answers, really. I need help being happier, myself. Does anyone have any idea how women can tilt the happiness meter so that next time this happiness study is conducted between the sexes, we come out ahead?

The Race is On

This past Sunday, the sun rose and cast the sky and streets surrounding Fashion lsland in a wash of pink, as tens of thousands of people came out to run, walk, cheer on and support family, friends and even total strangers in Orange County’s Komen Race for the Cure, the world’s largest and most successful educational and fundraising event for breast cancer. (Whew! That was a mouthful!) (ockomen.com)

I was there manning the Churm Media booth with some of my colleagues. Our task was to pass out about 2,000 magazines (and even toothbrushes to a lucky few). I must admit, when my alarm went off at 5:30 on a Sunday morning, I had to question why I signed up in the first place. But once I got there, I was so thrilled to be part of this spectacular event.

While the official numbers haven’t come out yet, I would venture to say there were at least 40,000 attendees. I was amazed at the show of support. I spoke with one woman who had 5 sisters who had all been diagnosed with breast cancer. All but her. I asked her how she had escaped that “bullet.” She said, “I didn’t. I had ovarian cancer.”

I have 3 sisters and it got me thinking: “Odds are, one of us will come down with breast cancer.” But which one? We’re all in our 40s now, and the average age of women who get breast cancer is early 50s. We’re all pretty healthy at the moment, but still, it’s a frightening possibility. Whatever forces are at work causing breast cancer in one of out 8 women, could easily come knocking on my family’s door.

If I only knew what causes the most common cancer in women, I would make sure I avoided those factors at all costs (cancer.org). I have two young daughters who have entrusted their health to me, so I’d like some answers. But we don’t really know yet. Too much estrogen? Microwaves? The chemicals in household cleaners? The air we breathe? It has to be something we all come in contact with every day.

The Orange County chapter has raised more than $15 million since 1991. I can only hope that all this money being raised will help researchers pinpoint precisely what is killing so many women -- VERY SOON – before it takes the life of someone I love . . . or someone YOU love.

All Eyes On You

Ready for the latest installment of ridiculous studies? In the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (who subscribes to this, anyway?), you can read about how “researchers” have determined that our eyes are irresistibly drawn to beautiful people.

If I can wax poetic for a moment . . . DUH! This is certainly not news, the fact that women tend to stare at good-looking men and men ogle attractive women. How long has this behavior been going on, anyway? Eons, at least.

What is eye-opening, however, according to this study, is that men and women in committed relationships look at beautiful people of the SAME SEX longer than they would look at someone of the opposite sex. How come?

“If we’re jealous and worried about our partner cheating on us, attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive people of our own sex because they are our competitors,” says the study’s leader.

Interesting, but to be honest, we already knew this, didn’t we, ladies?

To read more about this “fascinating (NOT!)” research, log on to livescience.com. This silly study aside, it’s a pretty nifty website.

Whoops! They Did It Again!

OK, I know I’m a little late weighing in on the Britney Spears story (pun intended), but better late than . . . whatever! Look, I really don’t know what all the Britney-bashing was about. No, I didn’t see her performance at the music awards, which was lambasted by every critic and blogger in the world. But what seemed to draw the most criticism was the weight issue. I kept hearing about how fat and out of shape she looked, so I logged on to see for myself, and you know what? I think she looks terrific! She may not be as toned and buffed as she was about 5 years ago before she had children, but who is? She still looks pretty darn good to me! (foxnews.com/story/0,2933,296069,00.html)

Don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into a hysterical rant about how you need to leave Britney alone just so I can get millions of hits on my blog. But really, she looks like she’s been working out some, so why not give her a little credit for that? Why do we have to hold people to such impossible physical standards, especially celebrities? Give her a break. She may not be a 10, but she’s at least a 7 or an 8. I’m just grateful she was wearing panties.

And then there’s O.J. You know why he’s in the news again, don’t you? It’s called karma. When you practically behead your ex-wife in cold blood and then murder a complete stranger along with her and then get away with it, all that bad karma is bound to catch up with you eventually. This is O.J.’s “eventually.”

Personally, I think he wants to be in jail. He can’t live with the guilt any longer and deep-down, he knows prison is where he belongs. Then again, I’m giving him credit for having a conscience. Or maybe he finally ran out of money and favors from hangers-on and he’s looking for a free hot meal and place to sleep at night for the rest of his life. Looks like he might get his wish, too. Let’s hope this time, the legal system does its job RIGHT! (abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3611324&page)

Stock Up On Tangerines!

I just read about a study in the International Journal of Cancer that found women who “talc” their underwear have a 17% higher risk of ovarian cancer than women who didn’t talc. Granted, this piece ran in a BRITISH newspaper, but even still . . . who talcs their underwear in this day and age? I’m not sure many of us even wear underwear anymore, and those lacy pieces of nothing they call thongs don’t count, ladies. (lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/health/story/0,,2166552,00.html)

But I guess I’m missing the point. September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. As cancers in women go, it is a real killer, affecting 1 in every 69 women in America. According to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, it is the 5th leading cause of cancer death among American women and 15,000 will die from it this year.

The problem with detecting ovarian cancer is that its symptoms are similar to so many other conditions: pelvic and abdominal pain; urinary frequency and urgency; increased abdominal size and bloating; and difficulty eating and feeling full quickly. Plus, constipation or diarrhea; nausea, indigestion or gas; abnormal vaginal bleeding; unusual fatigue; unexplained weight loss or gain; shortness of breath; or low back pain. See what I mean? We’ve all experienced at least one or more of these symptoms. . . like, yesterday, haven’t we?

The key to survival is early detection. Especially if there is a family history of it, get educated (ovariancancer.org) and talk to your OB/GYN, who may determine that testing is in order.

The good, albeit very preliminary, news is that eating tangerine peels (yuk??) may help prevent a number of cancers, including ovarian cancer. (Heard this on Paul Harvey News this morning on my way to work.) It has something to do with an enzyme contained in tangerine peels. I won’t get too technical on you, but you can read more about it here:
health.yahoo.com/news/179276

Not-So-Friendly Skies

Did you hear about that 23-year-old woman who was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight because her skirt was too short? Before I even saw pictures of her I thought, “This sounds like a lawsuit made in heaven,” or at least up in the sky somewhere. I wasn’t aware of airlines having a dress code. All I know is that when you fly, you should use common sense and dress comfortably, and wear shoes you can remove easily to breeze through that hassle of a security check.

But then I saw pictures of what this college student from San Diego was wearing, and I don’t know, folks . . . but I think the airlines might have a point. This attractive, long-legged blonde is also a waitress at Hooters and let’s just say she looked like she was dressed to “go to work.” (abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3571435&page=1)

Come on, Kyla Ebbert, you must have known when you left the house that day that you weren’t dressed appropriately for an out-of-state flight to see your doctor in Arizona. You aren’t supposed to strip to your bare nothings until you get into the patient room! Hellooooo!

It kills me that she’s going on all these talk shows and getting all this great publicity (including an appearance on “The Today Show”) playing the victim card. I’m sure any day now we’ll be seeing a press conference with that Gloria Allred announcing through her annoying nasal tones that she is now Kyla’s attorney and will be fighting for major punitive damages in violation pf Kyla’s civil rights. And guess what? She’ll probably win because there is no dress code for airline travel.

And Kyla will get what she’s always wanted: Worldwide attention focused on her perfectly sculpted body, fame, a Playboy centerfold spread and the chance to meet Hugh Hefner, who a friend of hers said she has always wanted to meet. And then we’ll have all these copycat incidents of travelers wearing inappropriate attire hoping to get kicked off the plane so they can milk the airlines, too.

But the thing I fear the most, as a mother of two girls, is the message that this will send to them: Dress like a tramp, play dumb, act victimized and you will be rewarded handsomely for it someday.

What Are YOU Looking At?

Sometimes I come across these so-called “research studies” that are just too unbelievable to be true. Like this one:

“A study in the New England Journal of Medicine says that staring at women's breasts for just 10 minutes a day can improve a man's health and add four to five years to his life.”

Seriously?? My first question is how did this study ever get conducted in the first place? If I saw a man staring at my breasts for longer than 10 seconds, let alone 10 MINUTES, I’d slap him silly, or else have a boyfriend or big brother do it.

On second thought . . . maybe at my age, I should be flattered.

But honestly, Ladies, would you want a man staring at your breasts for that long? And GUYS! What about you? How could you possibly pull that off without getting flat-out BUSTED (pun somewhat intended)?

Yep. I’m absolutely questioning the validity of this study. How about you?

And according to a bra maker named Triumph, British women have the largest "natural" breasts in Europe. "More than half the women in that country wear a size D cup or larger."

So would it then follow that based on the "staring at women's breasts" study, that British men have the longest life span? You'd think they'd at least look a little happier, anyway.

For more bizarre facts about breasts, click on this link:
hummer-idzlwg.blogspot.com/2007/09/bizarre-breast-facts.html

Shopping Gene

One of my favorite quotes, hanging on my fridge, goes like this: “My husband says if I don’t stop shopping, he’s going to leave me. Lord, I’ll miss that man.” Yes, women and shopping go way back, possibly all the way back to Eve in the Garden of Eden, when she was looking for “just the right apple” with which to tempt Adam.

We can’t help it – shopping is in our genes, and now a new online survey of over 3,000 women, ages 18-49, proves it. (Ampagency.com/#InsideOurHead/Insights)

The report claims that every woman falls into one of four distinct shopping mindsets:

• The Content Responsibles (Practical, Loyal, Efficient)
• The Natural Hybrids (Confident, Balanced, Classic)
• The Social Catalysts (Social, Smart, Trendy)
• The Cultural Artists (Creative, Impulsive, Adventurous)

Why is this important? Retail sales ring up at $418 BILLION every year, and the better marketing companies know how women shop, the more apt they are to get a piece of our spending pie.

The biggest spenders of this group are the Social Catalysts, racking up sales of $153 billion. As a group, Cultural Artsts spend the least, but individually, they spend more than anyone – almost $8,000 annually. Now THAT sounds familiar!

To learn which spending group you best identify with, click on this link again: Ampagency.com/#InsideOurHead/Insights.

And while we’re on the subject of shopping, let me just give a big shout out to all the terrific men out there who I see at the malls patiently following their women into stores and sitting outside dressing rooms waiting for the “big reveal.” While most of you look understandably bored, I have to give you credit for tagging along. But I have to ask . . . can you see into our dressing rooms?? Those doors with the “vents” offer questionable privacy.

Become A Virgin Again – NOT!!

OK, I’m trying to keep an open mind, but honestly . . . vaginal rejuvenation?? Have you heard about this? Women can now have a one-hour, outpatient procedure performed that tightens their vaginal canal so that it creates more friction during intercourse and enhances sexual pleasure. AND they can get their labia tightened up, too, so that it’s “more attractive.”

Ladies, please don’t fall for this! Think about it for a minute. This procedure was invented by a man for the purpose of making sex more pleasurable for whom??? MEN! (drmatlock.com/) And you have to wonder what this doctor’s motivation was, too. Maybe he’s some perv who wanted a job where he could stare at women’s vaginas all day. What’s that quote? “Men spend nine months of their life trying to get out of a woman, and the rest of their life trying to get back in.”

I guess it’s not good enough anymore that women by the zillions have bought into the notion that their breasts aren’t big enough and so implants are now the order of the day. Our 16-year-old daughters are even asking for them as graduation gifts, for God’s sake! But now we’re supposed to believe that our most private part, the very thing that makes us women, the miraculous vehicle by which they entered the world, mind you, is not good enough for men, either. Not tight enough, not “pretty” enough.

In other words, men want us to be virgins again. Some women are reportedly having this done as a “gift” for their spouse or significant other. It’s pure lunacy. Expensive lunacy, mind you. This “rejuvenating” procedure costs thousands!

I think I have a solution: How about instead of revitalizing your vagina – rebirthing the birth canal – you get a transplant, instead. Extract from your life that shallow, diminutive man who is encouraging you to have this procedure (and is probably sagging in certain private areas, himself) and replace him with a kind, decent man who will love you, and every beautiful inch of you, inside and out. Someone who is a better "fit."

Get Crackin'!

Scrambled, fried, poached, boiled. . . how do you like your eggs? However you eat them, make sure you scarf them down at breakfast if you want to lose weight, a new study suggests.

Researchers found that “eating eggs for breakfast as part of a reduced-calorie diet helped overweight women lose more weight and feel more energetic than those who at a bagel breakfast.” (prnewswire.com/news/index_mail.shtml?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/04-29-2007/0004576188&EDATE=)

I love scrambled eggs, I really do. Especially with ketchup. But I don’t make them too often because the eggs always stick to the bottom of the pan and it’s so darn hard to clean up. But perhaps I should make the effort. The study claims that women who ate 2 eggs for breakfast at least 5 days a week for 8 weeks lost 65% more weight than the bagel eaters.

Tomorrow morning, I plan to fire up that stove! And the best way to clean the scrambled-egg pan? Fill it with water and let it boil. Then dump the hot water into the sink, run cold water into the pan and scrub the caked-on egg gunk right off!

Kids Are NOT Sexy, OK?

This blog is aimed directly at parents. (In fact, if I could shoot a few of you, I would.) This weekend, I experienced two incidents that really disturbed me. My daughters and I went back-to-school shopping, you know, the most wonderful time of the year? This little girl walked by me, she must have been 7 years old, tops. Cute little thing, except she was wearing this t-shirt that shouted in big, bold letters: “I LOVE FRAT BOYS!”

What?? Does she even know what a frat boy is? Has she even seen “Animal House?” First off, I would not be encouraging my 7-year-old daughter to love boys. At that sweet age, she should love stuffed animals, (and her mom and dad, of course). Period. Secondly, encouraging your daughter to throw herself at boys who are rude, obnoxious, destructive, and focused on partying and screwing hordes of women is not good parenting.

Most important, why would you think it’s cute, funny or cool to turn your precious young daughter into a sex object? (mercatornet.com/articles/focus_on_media_a_toxic_culture_for_girls/) Is it because her mom, who bought her that ridiculous t-shirt, never felt sexy or got enough attention from men, so she wanted to make sure her own daughter got a good start in life?

We then went into another store where three little girls, who were maybe 10, were wearing make-up. Lots of it. Thick mascara and garishly-blue eye shadow. We couldn’t help but stare. One of them turns to my daughters and says: “Why are you looking at us? Because we’re so hot?”

Parents, I am begging you to stop sexualizing your children! They are not hot, they are not sexy . . . they are children! And as parents, it is your obligation to protect their innocence as long as possible. Is it any wonder that our society seems to be getting overrun by sexual predators? Buying your children sexually suggestive t-shirts and dressing them up to look like street walkers is only fueling their sick, sexual fantasies.

Think about that next time you decide to buy your daughter a t-shirt that says: “Kiss me. I’m daddy’s bad little girl.”

Google This!

The other day, I was driving by Google in Irvine, California, and nearly slammed into the car in front of me, most likely because my eyes went from watching the road to gawking at three male Google employees playing basketball without their shirts on right outside the office building. It was a hot day, but they looked really, really HOT, if you know what I mean.

My first thought was that I had to quit my job and apply at Google. Then I thought, “What a great company perk, to build a basketball court just for employees!” But I couldn’t figure out if the perk was for the guys who were burning calories or for the women (and maybe some men, who knows?) whose offices overlooked all that action. (Man, how do they get any work done over there?!)

Compare Google’s company incentive program to an Indiana-based hospital chain that says starting in 2009, it will “charge employees as much as $30 every two weeks unless they meet weight, cholesterol and blood-pressure guidelines that the company deems healthy.” (latimes.com/news/la-fi-obese29jul29,0,6323392.story?coll=la-tot-topstories)

I’m thinking, “police state,” and wouldn’t be comfortable working for someone who was keeping an eye not only on my productivity, but my waistline, too. I guess employers are getting pretty desperate as healthcare costs continue to rise at the same time the number of obese Americans has jumped to 1 in 3.

What’s your take on this? Would you want to work for someone who was penalizing you for eating an occasional donut? Or is this the “magic bullet,” the weight-loss plan that could finally help you drop those unwanted pounds?

Are Men Necessary?

OK, guys, before you get your boxers in a wad, you should know that the headline is not my idea. It’s pulled, somewhat, from an msnbc.com story about how scientists have made artificial sperm from bone marrow, and it may be possible one day for women to make their own sperm from their very own bone marrow.

Feminist Gloria Steinem once said, “Of course women are superior to men. We can lactate, ovulate, menstruate and procreate. Men can merely inseminate.” But now, even that once necessary function may not be so necessary anymore. And if Hilary has her way, a woman may even be president someday.

It then raises the question that the lesbian population has been asking for years now, “What do we need men for?” (msnbc.msn.com/id/17937813/page/2/)

I’m really not the person to answer this question, having been divorced and single for a while. I have discovered, quite happily, that I can function just fine, thank you very much, in a male-less world. I kill my own spiders, I pay someone to mow my lawn, I borrow my neighbor’s husband every year to help set up the Christmas tree, and I just discovered sliders – these amazing, slippery plastic inventions that help you (meaning women) move heavy things. They work so well, they could move mountains, I swear!

But the thing is, I don’t want to live in a world without men. I like them, really, I do. They make life interesting, mix it up a little. Granted, women spend most of the time mad at them, frustrated by them and confused about what they’re even thinking when they’re not thinking about sex, but still . . . men are adorable. I’ve met a number of good guys in my lifetime and they give me hope for the survival of the species.

What do you think, Ladies? Are you ready to live in a world without men? Do you even want to?